A research on insufficiency: 'The Pursuit of Problems'

Written on a day of seizing and winning, and running, and smiling.

27/09/21

Monday, a 24-hour opportunity to make something

@a room, reeking of turpentine from oil painting 

Dear world,

Luckily for you I’m not solving a problem today with the abstract dialogue of my ‘poems’. They are just incredibly fun to write but I'm hoping that I can still connect my dots with you through them.

Today, my problem is something like this: What is a way around insufficiency?

I’m currently standing in the middle of the least agreeable part of the month, when the cost of breathing is under my neck.

I’m talking about council tax, gas, electricity, water, phone and rent- you name it. I’m an adult at 27 at last- it feels like a scene in those movies labelled ‘based on a real life story’. So I’ll make today my very own adaptation. 

The plot: I have less than 4 hours to come up of a sum or I will get thrown out of my house. Although it’s not actually the case, I do need to come up with a sum to pay my breathing bills as a form of an experiment. It is as if I’ll end up on the streets on the contrary. I think 4 hours is plenty but also short enough to cause this chemical reaction on my nerves that is making me all weird and smiley. It feels like the pumps of oxygen into my lungs when I’m running or cycling down a steep hill. 

How does this film adaptation end today I wonder? I’m calling it ‘The Pursuit of Problems’.

Chris Hadfield, is this Canadian astronaut whom I really like, who had one day to prepare for an unexpected need for a ‘space walk’ during his mission beyond Earth. This walk normally takes years to prepare for, and I thought to myself today that if he was able to do it in one day then how can it even be possible not to resolve this mini, earthly, petty issue that I’m currently facing? I mean, he could have died floating with the meteorites for awhile before he would have been collected back to Earth, if he didn't take this walk, which sounds like a walk in the park, except, it wasn’t. The space station was experiencing an ammonia leak caused by rocks colliding into it- ammonia, being the 'life blood' of the station and is used to cool batteries down too- or something like that.

As you can imagine, my day isn’t as dramatic in comparison. But I made it like such a substantial challenge for my own research entertainment. I just thought that most people would shake at the thought of having to come up with a sum of money in less than a day. It was a test of a structure I’ve built for myself in the last couple of years. I did worry that I wasn’t going to make it but I was also aware of the actual situation, which wasn’t helpful in this experiment. I’m also currently having lunch to make it more intesnive, so by the time I get to work to solve this insufficiency, I’ll probably have less than 2 hours to get to it.

Obviously, preparation is key. But unexpected things are genuinely there to really test our structures in the most natural pursuit possible, which is incredibly exciting if you ask me. I would love it to be in space but earth is sufficient for now. So that is why we’re here, how do we go about insufficiency? How can the pressure of less than a day push us to innovate and adapt to deviations like an astronaut would? I’m calling this agenda 183MOON-walk, because why not? 

Mark Manson made an important point on Buddhism this morning, on his book: ‘The Art of Not Giving a F*k’, which helped me alot with my agenda. I was lucky to have offers on my bike after I put it up for sale on Gumtree. It contributed more than the sum I aimed to accumulate today. Tomorrow is a different day but the main thing I wanted to talk about is the fact that I let go of my attachment to my bike. How?

I lost my ‘sense of self’. My bike means alot to me because it gets me from A to B in the quickest, most enjoyable way, and second, I love myself when I get my adrenaline rushes on it. Assessing this part of my ‘self’ made me realise that unless I needed the bike everyday then, it was to go. But the conclusion was a solid no. I use it with friends but I haven’t been touching it recently, therefore the point of it at this stage is clear cut, none. Except for house decoration but I'm not keen.

I convinced myself that in a year or so, I’ll definitely want a faster bike than what I currently have, so before I trash this one and lose out, I decided in a second that it was best to sell it. 

I’m incredibly attached to this 7 Speed Shimano Triban road bike because I shared many personal moments with it, like catapulting into the air from speeding through a curb I couldn’t see in the dark, and I also broke a distal phalanx with it. 

My point is that shifting my thinking allowed me to make an effective decision that was led by zero hesitation. The result was that I resolved a problem in a heartbeat. 

Is there anything that you’re finding hard to let go too?

I live in a 7.88 square metres room and given this space, I have accumulated so much things in the last year that I don’t even touch. Why? Why am I so insistent on keeping things I don’t touch that is only crowding my habitat? My Sunday’s agenda is to put all of these ‘Things I Don’t Touch’ for sale at a carboot nearby and put the exact label on them. Primarily because I don’t want them and secondly I’d rather use the money to solve a problem I’m yet to procure- exciting!

My ‘The pursuit of Problems’ adaptation ended with a lesson that involved hesitating to hear Mark Manson for a while because I didn’t agree with his book title, but it talks about many excellent things to adhere to: creativity, generosity and humility. It highlights values we ideally should avoid and ones that are controllable to benefit us. My favourite is pursuing things that I’m fine with struggling with, if it means that I can do things I like in between. Buddhism teachings are very helpful.

Finally, my brain is shutting down so I’d have to leave it here today, but I’m sure to include more important points I’ve missed out tomorrow morning.

Sincerely,

A sleeping troubler